Fair warning: 12 min read on how a frustrating hair situation turned out to be the way out of a short hair fear

Sometimes we do things on a whim thinking “What could go wrong?” Well, sometimes everything does. Go wrong. And then some time passes and we are kind of glad that it happened because it led us on a better path.

Photo credit: Marc Louviere

Hair is a big part of our (visual) identity. We form an attachment to it. The goal is to select the most flattering haircuts and wear them proudly. I wrote this piece as a warning, a lesson and a reassurance for women who may struggle with dilemmas similar to mines.

After having (very) long hair throughout my 30s and 40s, I started experimenting with various haircuts of various hair lengths in my 50s. My hair was a bit shorter but still long by every definition. First, I asked Sandy, my trusted hairdresser, to chop about half of my hair off to create that super sharp blunt cut. Loved it! I felt like I descended from hairstyle heaven right on 31 Rue Cambon and actually belonged there. My hair looked shiny and healthy and I received numerous compliments on my newest Parisian look. I could curl it, straighten it to my heart’s content or let my natural shy waves do the job. Magic! Bonus: I could still have a miniscule ponytail for running and exercising.

My trusted hairdresser Sandy Nault’s work 

Photo credit: Marc Louviere

Having fine hair all my life, I have gradually learned every hack, tip and trick in existence. With all that accumulated knowledge from multiple sources as well as my own experience, I decided to create an epic guide on how to choose the best haircut and maintain it. The more I studied the topic in depth, the more I became convinced that this lesson would be particularly beneficial for women my age and ‘wiser’.

Once my blunt bob grew into a lob, I made a few minor alterations to my haircut every now and then and took myriads of photos after every step from every angle to document how those changes affected my appearance. I had a lob, a slanted bob, long bangs, curtain bangs, shorter diagonal bangs, and a short bob. Given that the minor modifications didn’t necessarily require the hand of a specialist, I committed most of them myself or asked my younger daughter to use our kitchen scissors (I know) and chop a bit here and there.

Photo credit: My daughter. This was the last picture taken before I went to Sheila. You can see the uneven bottom line and overall ‘adjustments’ that needed fixing. Still, I wasn’t terribly unhappy about it. 

And then, when the perfect haircut appeared on my screen after a long search, fulfilling every criteria of beauty for my face shape, facial features, and all the proportions that need to be taken into consideration (11 altogether – all of them explained in the lesson), I chose to assign the responsibility of perfecting my appearance to a pro. The corrections were supposed to be undemanding – or at least I thought they were. Just straighten the line here, round the edges there, and fix my handiwork on my bangs.

It will be only a short interference with scissors and I’ll be off to take my pictures in my new awesome hair and record a few of the 25 videos I had written scripts for, I thought.

Being impatient and thinking that my suggested alterations would take about 10-15 minutes, I looked up my ancient Groupon purchase collection and, as anticipated, I found a hairdresser nearby. (My trusted hairdresser, Sandy, is a 20-25 minute drive from me and she is usually busy so getting an appointment so quickly might had been impossible.) I wanted this change a.s.a.p. so I booked an appointment in two days at a hair studio just a short drive from my house. Excellent!

On Saturday, I came in and a young girl told me she would wash my hair and then the owner of the salon would do my haircut and a blow-dry. Goody, I am in luck!

As the young girl was washing my hair, I attempted to have a conversation with her. Nothing demanding, just a few questions about the procedure and the products. She wasn’t very talkative, but that’s okay. She answered to the best of her ability, I am sure. My last conversational endeavor was a question about the difference between normal conditioning and the deep conditioning that I was about to receive. She didn’t know, but that’s okay, too. As I was sitting there, deeply conditioned, with a slipping towel on my wet hair, I was eyeing the products prominently displayed on a shelf right in front of me. Some of them were the ones I had used a few years ago and was happy with. Armed with theoretical knowledge, I knew which ones I would include in my total bill.

Photo credit: Pexels.com

The moment had come. The salon owner – I will call her Sheila just for the brevity and irony’s sake (as well as the alliteration that I will reveal a few paragraphs later – and I started discussing what stunning creation I aspire to have on my head. I came prepared and showed her about 20 pictures specifying what I had in mind. To avoid any possible confusion, I also showed her a few pictures of what I definitely did not want. I mentioned that I had a rectangular face shape and a rather sharp jawline. I thought it would help her, given that both of us were wearing masks.

Typically, I verbally describe what I want, support my argument with a few hand gestures and a few inarticulate sounds but given, that I didn’t know this woman and she didn’t know me, a series of pictures should cover it, I thought. Just a few minor corrections and I will be gone. And beautiful. (And sexy.)

This was the first haircut and brilliant hairstyling my trusted hairdresser Sandy (whom I stupidly betrayed) did for me. Marc smartly captured it for eternity.

Credit: Marc Louviere

I was mainly looking forward to my husband’s reaction as he is a detail-oriented man and notices everything. Both of us make an effort to look appealing for each other despite our respective ages and our long-term marriage. My hopes were high. I’d picked the best haircut for me! He was gonna love it!

Sheila started cutting and I started getting a strange feeling in my stomach. Given what I anticipated and explained to the tiniest detail, supported by pictures that speak a 1000 words each, there was suspiciously too much hair on the floor in less than a few seconds.

We were talking about various things you talk about with an unknown hairdresser – husbands, travelling, mean people, good people, animals, you name it. Sheila and I hit it off – in the rhetorical department. I was concerned with her movements around my crown chakra but the chat was fun. We agreed on nearly everything we passionately discussed.

Credit: Pexels.com

Then Sheila Scissorhands presented a blade. I was seriously concerned. I realized that it was too late for what was supposed to happen with my hair – on my head – as most of it ended up on the floor. I suppressed my urge to interfere with a specialist hard at work. I didn’t want to be that customer who ‘knows better’. Maybe she envisioned something much more exciting for me. We will see.

I looked in the mirror.

My immediate thought was about how Sheila’s work practically ruined the continuation of my already prepared lessons. This haircut should have been the final one of the series. We had arranged the lights and everything before I left for the picture taking right after I would come home to catch the crown of my beauty while it was fresh.

And there were my YouTube videos I wrote 25 scripts for. I planned to record some of those right away and the rest in the following week.

…I just needed a few small alterations here and there…

When Sheila Scissorhands armed herself with a hairdryer for this round of the battle, I was still desperately hoping that some sort of a miracle would happen and she would surprise me with her supreme blow-drying skills.

I was already boiling with anger on the inside. I fought with all the emotions I was feeling because I wouldn’t be willing to pay for the material damages I felt like causing.

“I look like a politician. For a conservative party,” I uttered when she finished. “Oh, well, it’s just hair. It will grow,” I added, trying to calm down. Sheila Scissorhands took my words as a compliment.

Trying to understand what had happened and why, I moved my body and tormented mind to the counter, paid the balance, and gave a $3 tip. (Generally, I am a good tipper, so this was an expression of my dissatisfaction, euphemistically speaking.) I wanted to buy the products to support the hardworking businesswoman but I couldn’t gather enough mental strength to stay in this hair salon from hell a minute longer.

I took my coat, put it on, and said goodbye. I meant it.

Credit: Kamboopics Pexels.com

The moment the salon door closed behind me, I started swearing. Out loud. I just needed to let off some steam because I needed to drive home. I unlocked my car, got in, looked in the rear mirror and a new wave of outrage flooded my innards.

I needed to pacify – pronto. I was so angry with myself for allowing this to happen. I should have stopped her right after I noticed the first few suspiciously long strands of my hair on the floor. I should have never booked the appointment, I should have been more patient and gone to Sandy…

It wasn’t a long drive. That was one of the reasons I went there at the first place. I wished I had made a hair appointment in San Francisco instead. I would have happily driven 3000 km and back to look like a person.

I parked the car in front of the house. My husband opened the door as he usually does when he sees me coming. I came to the door and tormented with wrath, disgust, self-blame and incredible shame, I told him before I came in and he could see me: “Don’t say anything!”

There must have been enough terror in my voice, for he quietly came to the entrance room, looked at me and stayed silent. He knew all too well that any sort of grounding in meditation wouldn’t work. I looked at myself in the biggest mirror in the house hanging by the door and I started angry crying.

I wanted to look sexy. I looked like an idiot.

Then my daughter came down and accounted for the damage. I don’t remember what she said but it helped. I felt like I betrayed myself, my husband, my clients, my hairdresser, and paid for it with my hair as well as all those feelings brewing in me.

I had been creating a lesson on how to select the best haircut and I just got the worst haircut in the history of worst haircuts! I felt so hopeless and ugly and stupid and many other things I couldn’t name but said out loud in front of my loved ones.

It took me a moment to tidy up my right brain. I was grateful that they let me get it out of my system without objections. They had never seen me in such a state.

So, the plan was to take pictures of my perfect, beautiful, and sexy haircut. Given that everyone and everything was ready for a photoshoot, I put on my pre-selected outfits, and decided to document the injustice that I was sporting. From every angle. In detail.

Unintentionally, I created a bonus lesson on how a horrible haircut can age a woman and make her look anything but appealing. The beauty of the unintended.

Credit: Marc Louviere

My plans to record YouTube videos were screwed. The cherry on top of my planned Hairismatic Haircut lesson was devoured by Sheila Scissorhands. My sinking confidence was quietly descending to the bottom of the ocean with no sunlight, where only a few prehistoric looking creatures drifting by wondered, what on earth must have I done to someone to look like that.

No matter how quickly I was trying to think to save my unsavory hair situation, there were only two options available – to cut my hair short(er) or wait for about 6 months to complete the lesson as intended.

I decided to wait at least until I washed my hair and styled it differently. Maybe it was the blow-dry that made it look ugly, I thought. Maybe, if I style it differently, it will look better. We will see.

During that time, I realized five things:

1. It wasn’t just the blow-dry technique. My hair was definitely screwed, as I discovered after I washed my new hair the first time after the mishap, and the next time and the one after that. The only impressive thing was how long the products that Sheila Scissorhands had used lasted and, ironically, held my horrible haircut in its original shape. Even when it started to grow, it looked awful.

2. Greying hair can look elegant in a chic bob, lob, or any other flattering haircut. Greying hair in combination with a horrible haircut leads to depression and looks like depression.

3. I had never in my entire life felt so ugly that I was ashamed to even kiss my husband, not to mention anything else. Very unlike me.

4. I couldn’t wait 6 months just to let my hair grow back. I needed to do something.

5. Knowing all too well, that there is a direct connection between feeling, thinking and behaving, I wasn’t up to creating anything encouraging, inspirational or even pretty for my clients, given that I felt rather low. It wasn’t only my hair, it was my work delayed that made me anxious, it was the self-betrayal that haunted me.

I needed to write down how I felt. Writing, aside from talking to myself, has always been my coping mechanism. So I wrote this message to Sheila Scissorhands. After 24 hours and no deliberation, I sent it to her. I felt that it wasn’t fair that I was alone with my feelings, if she was responsible.

Hello,

Thank you for your prompt reply as well as for your voice message.

I wish I knew how to answer your request about what you can do to fix the tragedy I have been sporting since that unfortunate Saturday.

I was being polite when I was leaving the salon but I hated the haircut right away. I was frustrated and disappointed like never before. I also wanted to give you a benefit of the doubt so I didn’t react right away.

What might have sent you on the incorrect path about me being ‘super happy’ with my haircut was my inquiry about the products that performed exceptionally well. But this is where my happiness with the whole situation ends.

Despite me explaining to [Sheila] in detail what I wanted and also what I didn’t want while showing her pictures to clearly demonstrate my desire and expectations to avoid confusion, she either completely misunderstood everything or deliberately ignored it.

I noticed right away that she cut too much of my hair. Then she used the texturing technique that helped exactly nothing; it only made my already fine hair look even less dense.

The reason why I didn’t contact you earlier was that I still hoped that maybe the haircut was ok but only the blow-dry was hideous.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the case. I discovered this fact after I washed my hair and let it dry naturally. The haircut absolutely doesn’t respect neither my hair quality nor my face shape. I have a rectangular face shape with sharp angular jawline that I specifically mentioned to [Sheila] before the haircut, yet the hair cut also has a rectangular shape, which doesn’t help to increase its appeal.

I tried to style my hair but no matter what I do, it look just as awful as I left the salon, if not worse.

Having an ultra unflattering and utterly inflexible haircut doesn’t keep my spirits high. Never in my adult life have I looked uglier, frumpier and older.

I read other people’s reviews on Groupon last night and I discovered that there were more victims of this disrespectful approach – hair cut much shorter than a client wanted, creating plain ugly haircuts.

So, if you ask me what you can do to rectify my dissatisfaction, the best answer would be: give me hair back. I liked it as it was, I asked for a little trimming. Instead, I got a shapeless unstylable blob.

Whatever you or anyone would do, it will make my hair shorter and I don’t want short hair. If I wanted it, I would ask for it at the first place.

My biggest concern is trust in the staff’s skill after the top of the hierarchy’s intervention. Who would cut my hair to correct the freestyle on my head? Unless there is a hidden star I don’t know about, forgive me but I remain sceptical. I wouldn’t let [Sheila] touch my hair unless through a bulletproof glass.

So, once again, I don’t know. The only thing I was interested in were the products. I said it during the styling, then wrote it in the text and nobody even bothered to offer them to me – twice. How do you expect to grow your business if you miss such a perfect chance for an upsell?

You see, I am not your typical Groupon cheepo who wants to save $5,50 on her look. I use Groupon to get to know experts in my area and choose those I like and give them my repeated business outside of Groupon. It worked for me with other excellent businesses I probably wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars with each of them [this year alone or recommended them to the people I care about].

I was hoping that your salon would be another case. Oh, well.

Still, hair is hair, it will grow. What made me furious to the highest degree is the fact that I had a series of photoshoots as well as a few video recordings planned in [a specific month]. Now I am stuck with a never-married-57-years-old-Brenda-from-human-resources-who-has-8-cats haircut.

To sum up, I shared with you how I feel. If you can come up with a sensible solution to my hair despair, I am eager to hear it.

Even though I wrote to her that this message would stay between us and I would never post a negative review on Google or do anything of the sort, and I never did, I decided to publish my message here, on my blog, without any identification of the other side involved. I have absolutely no intention to even attempt to ruin anybody’s livelihood. I do however, fully expect various readers’ reactions to the message as well as the fact that I published it, even though I will never reveal Sheila’s real name. What’s the point? I want her to prosper.

You can relate, if you find it relatable. You can laugh, if you find it funny. You can reconsider the free use of scissors and consider the consequences of your actions affecting your clients’ mental health, career, or business, if you are a hairdresser. In addition, you can also find an easy way to scrutinize me for being mean, rude, and disrespectful or whatever comes to your righteous mind. Up to you.

There were a few short messages exchanged between us afterwards. Sheila, or people operating Sheila’s messaging system, expressed genuine regret that I wasn’t happy with my haircut because Sheila did the best she could (confirmative red flag for me) and thought that I really liked it (maybe I was really good at hiding my displeasure after all). Despite my aim, we didn’t part ways amicably. Well, I did, but the studio didn’t. Not that I had plans to go there ever again. Still, I prefer not to make enemies out of thin air. I remain misunderstood by her.

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After nearly a month, I texted Sandy, my trusted hairdresser, and very briefly explained my infidelity. Despite my confession, she responded professionally and offered me a consultation. I was still, naively, hoping that maybe, if she just styled the disaster differently, it could look like a proper haircut and I won’t have to go shorter.

What I appreciated the most was that Sandy wanted to understand, in detail, what I originally showed and explained to Sheila Scissorhands. She didn’t criticize her work or me and didn’t judge anyone. After about 10-15 minutes of questions and answers ping-pong between us, she concluded: “It has no shape. I cannot style it to make it look good because there is no form.”

Naturally, I am not going to publish any photograph here for the whole world to see of what I consider humiliating enough in the mirror. (I did in my bonus lesson though.) The thing is that Sheila did literally the opposite of what I showed her and asked her to do – she didn’t fix my bangs, she didn’t straighten the cut, and completely reduced the volume all women my age with fine hair so desperately need in the back. Sheila’s creation looked like an unfulfilling threesome between a bob, a shag and a mullet. Maybe she thought it was a great deal – three haircuts for the price of one – at the same time. I have no idea. What I do know is that I will never ever make this irresponsible decision that cost me too much time and money I couldn’t make, again.

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Credit: Marc Louviere

Sandy also explained to me that what I wanted from Sheila, based on what I had showed both of them now, wasn’t a 10 minutes quick fix “just straighten the line here, round the edges there and fix my handiwork on my bangs” but a beveled bob, which is anything but a quick fix.

If I didn’t come with the pictures to Sheila, I would have blamed myself for not explaining it well. Sandy, however, indirectly confirmed my laymen’s suspicion – Sheila probably saw a head with hair and decided to try something that she considered thrilling. Or maybe she wasn’t listening to my pleas. Or maybe she didn’t know how to do a beveled bob.

Anyway, Sandy clarified everything to me and suggested the option I never wanted but seemed inevitable. To clean up the mess Sheila made, Sandy had to cut my hair short.

I always learn a lot from Sandy when she does my hair because we don’t talk about our husbands, travelling, mean people, good people, and animals that much. We talk about hairdressing, haircuts, styling hair, hair products and everything hairdressery because I am curious, want to learn, make informed decisions and teach other people everything I know so they will never have to experience the emotional turmoil, disappointment and financial business loss due to a really bad haircut, like I did. And mostly because Sandy is knowledgeable, experienced, patient, and willing to enlighten me while she works magic on my hair.

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Credit: Pexels.com

As we were talking, Sandy gave me two tips:

#1 I always tell any of my clients who are moving, to find a salon that has good reviews and to just go there, sit and watch the stylists work. Watch how busy they are, how they interact with their clients, what their clients look like when they leave, and, most importantly, the overall style of the stylist and salon. If you like what you see, then book a consultation appointment with whichever stylist you feel most suitable for you. Don’t feel weird doing this, because your hair is your number 1 accessory. Everyone deserves to love their hair so finding the right stylist is important and something that can take time.

About 5 years into my career, I was renting a chair in a hair salon where you essentially were your own little salon within this salon. I was booked solid all the time. The other stylists were more casual stylists who didn’t seem to take their career as serious as I did. I was working hard to save enough money to open up Crazy/Beautiful Hair Studio. When that day finally came, I had a few clients from the other rental chair stylists call and book an appointment with me at my new salon. They said that they saw me work and interact with my client at the time and wanted to be my client. I was so flattered and that is when I realized the importance of watching stylists work.

#2 The policy in my salon and any salon I’ve ever worked at is that if your client isn’t happy or something didn’t turn out the way you and your client had consulted about at the beginning of the appointment, the same stylist is the one to “fix” the issue. It is not fair for a stylist to fix another stylist’s problem since you don’t get paid to fix a client’s hair and no one should have to work for free unless it’s your mistake. Also, only the client and their original stylist know what was discussed in the consultation therefore a different stylist wouldn’t be able to properly judge what went wrong.

Bulletproof glass sprang to my mind. Funnily enough, Sandy was able to properly judge what went wrong – and correct it. 

​Even though I didn’t plan it, after about 25 years I had a very good short haircut, although against my will – thanks to Sheila. In comparison to what it was, this was heaven. I still didn’t feel quite like me, though. If you want to know what happened next, read this blog 

Sandy saved my sanity with this charming number.

Credit: Marc Louviere

The major advantage of the unutterably unfortunate episode with Sheila was that after Sandy sorted it out, I saw myself with short hair, which I had planned for my 60s, God willing. Just like many longish haired clients of my age, I worried that short hair would age me. Admittedly, it was a shock to my system. I haven’t planned for it. I practically went from about 50 centimeters (20 inches) to 15 cm (6 inches) in just a few months. Seeing my future short haircut 10 years earlier reassured me that the minimal length won’t affect the chic effect, rather the opposite. Now I don’t worry about it at all. I am actually looking forward to it. Meanwhile, I intend to sport the maximum hair length that my hair density allows.
The second best result of Sheila’s black magic was my decision to finally, after years of deliberation, change my hair colour as my going grey naturally didn’t turn out to be as interesting and as fast as I was hoping for.
The third best thing is that I take much better care of my hair now because, thanks to Sandy’s generosity through our hairy talks during my appointments, I am much more educated on hair affairs.

There is a brand new extended lesson with additional bonuses called Hairismatic Haircut for you to explore all your haircut options so that you make informed decisions, choose the best haircut the next time you sit in the chair, and leave the salon feeling like you own Sweden. I created this lesson because I know how hard it is to imagine something that isn’t real yet and deal with negative consequences and disappointment of a wrong decision. Once you go through all learning material, there is no way that you ever be dissapointed. Rather the opposite, you will know what exactly flatters you and why. Once you implement it, you will become an unstoppable woman with absolutly gorgeous and hairismatic hair.